How To Work A Room
On a couple of occasions lately, I found myself in places where I felt I had to do some serious networking. One was my 30th college reunion, the other a meeting of the Clinton Global Initiative. Though I'm not a shy person, I felt stymied. I had trouble starting conversations, and then, once I did, figuring out how long to linger before moving on. If only I knew how to work a room.
In hopes of doing a better job next time, I've interviewed four professionals who have focused on the subject. One of them, Ali Binazir, a hypnotherapist and author in Santa Monica, Calif., has put together an eight-step plan. A Harvard graduate with a medical degree from University of California at San Diego, Binazir has worked as a McKinsey & Co. consultant to biotech and pharmaceutical companies and has spent time studying Eastern philosophy. He wrote of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible.
I find some of Binazir's advice a little off the wall--he recommends walking up to potted plants and introducing yourself--but I figured that perhaps if I could put his steps into practice, I'd improve my networking skills.
One of his suggestions seems easy to follow and especially useful: Arrive early. That way, you take on what he calls "host physiology." If you're one of the first in the room, you can adopt the mindset of someone who is there to meet and greet, as opposed to walking into a room of 200 people who are already talking to one another.
Binazir also recommends that you wear something that can make for a conversation starter, such as an unusual brooch or lapel pin. His own signature: a jaunty white hat. And he suggests you always be prepared with some conversation starters drawn from news headlines, like, right now, Mark Hurd's resignation as Hewlett-Packard's ( HPQ - news - people ) chief executive. He exhorts you to get into what he calls "a powerful state" before walking into an event, by engaging in five minutes of meditation or closing your eyes and taking 10 deep breaths.
Next, one of his oddest suggestions: Make friends with your environment. Go up to an object in the room, like a plant or an armchair, and introduce yourself. "It creates a shift in your mind, and the whole environment goes from feeling foreign or hostile and becomes yours," he says. He also recommends positioning yourself so that you're framed by a doorway, in order to look more inviting to others.
Warm up by using your prepared conversation starters with the next person you see. Binazir likes to begin on the periphery of a crowd and work his way in. You can also stand by the bar, or, if you're female, near the rest room, where there's often a line. He also likes what he calls a "two-hit technique," where he starts a conversation, excuses himself, and then returns later to the same person. "If you see someone multiple times you feel as if you know them," he explains.
To establish rapport, mirror the other person in word and gesture. He also recommends what he calls the "million-dollar handshake." Imagine that the next person you'll meet is your best friend from elementary school, whom you haven't seen in decades. Shake the person's hand as though he were that person. Cover both hands with your free hand, and count off three seconds before releasing.
Don't wait until the end of a conversation to exchange contact information, he advises. He carries a digital camera to events and snaps pictures of people he wants to remember. When he follows up with an e-mail, he attaches photos.
It's tough for me to swallow all of Binazir's ideas. I've never meditated, I'm not interested in conversing with a piece of furniture, and I don't know any party tricks. I find it enough work to strike up an engaging conversation without trying to calculate the moment to snap a photograph. Besides, I'd feel embarrassed doing so.
Other networking professionals I interviewed disagree with several of Binazir's tactics. Don Crowther, an online marketing consultant at 101PublicRelations.com, says you should wait until a conversation's close before exchanging contact information. Marcie Schorr Hirsch, a career coach and consultant with Hirsch/Hills Consulting, says it's unrealistic to be so strategic about working a room. "Networking is a non-linear function," she insists.
Nicholas Boothman, the author of How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, says it's better to start in the middle of a room rather than skimming the periphery. But Boothman also maintains that working a room is a fallacy anyway. "It's nonsense," he says. "People who work a room are off-putting to other people." At large social or business events, your goal should be to make connections with two or three people, he says. "That can be much more valuable than flitting around like a social butterfly."
In that case, maybe I'm not so bad at this networking thing after all.
