The “Dan” theory

The “Dan” theory

By: May Rostom

Right, so here I am with a bowl of ice cream at 3 AM getting prepared to tell you the weirdest thing I've heard so far. A couple of days ago I ran into an old friend of mine. Dan is in his 20’s, has a girlfriend (a really pretty one too), he’s the real life Ben Stiller (which in my opinion is a good thing), funny, stylish and outgoing.

So, Dan tries to catch up and asks me what I've been up to, hence I gave him a brief about everything, knowing that the guy is probably un-interested and is just asking out of politeness. Not wanting to skimp on any of the details, I added the phrase “I got engaged”!

Every time I tell someone this extremely short phrase, I expect fireworks and bright colored lights, and usually that’s what I get, but with Dan, things were different. “You got engaged? Awww ma’alesh!” were his exact words (which basically translates into “OUCH”), it’s like I told him my puppy just died! I couldn’t help but reply “ma’alesh? That’s weird” and at that moment I did feel fireworks, just not the ones that light up the sky, but more like the ones that blow up in your face. At that point Dan realized the mistake he made and knew that he took me by surprise so he told me he’d explain.

It all started with a “congratulations” of course, but being the direct person I usually am, I said “really? Congrats or ma’alesh?” so he was like, “May, let me introduce you to the Dan theory”.

Basically, the Dan theory revolves around the fact that most guys don’t want to date a girl who was previously engaged (that’s why he feels sorry for me because simply if anything goes wrong with my engagement, I’ll die alone!) Shocked? Wait till you hear the rest of it. “What’s wrong with being engaged Danny? At least my parents know and I have a ring to show for it” was all I could come up with at the time.
 

Dan started arguing the fact that since the girl’s parents know about the guy, it gives the girl the right to hold her fiancés hand, hug him whenever she feels like it, throws kisses at him in public and be more outgoing than she’d normally be (which of course is just pure crap!). That’s why the Dan theory suggests that guys can date girls who have dated before but should never date a previously engaged girl! Puzzled? Hang on!

“Dan, don’t you think that’s a bit weird? Dating is like being engaged only worse because you’re definitely hiding something from your parents and it’s frowned upon in most cultures, plus when you know you can’t have something, it makes you want it more”.

Dan agreed to what I said which kind of relieved me but only for a minute because he then said that when a girl dates there’s a chance that she’d control her relationship with the guy and simply put limits for the both of them not to cross but if she were engaged, she doesn’t have to put limits because her parents already know she's with someone and for some reason our middle eastern culture is ok with it. All I could come up with at that time was a chuckle, a nod and a simple “ma’alesh this theory ever existed”.

That brief but enlightening conversation kept me awake all night wondering, is it just Dan or every Man? I went online to look for other men that had the same concept (on blogs and various websites); of course all I could find was irrelevant advice on how not to date while being engaged (DUH!) which made me happy to be honest that it might be just Dan after all.

I started asking my guy friends about what they thought of the Dan theory and the responses I got were actually eye-openers. Some guys preferred the previously engaged girl because that’ll make her weak and vulnerable to any man (control freak!), others preferred her because she would have relationship experience which would make dealing with her much easier (i.e.: less fights and more cuddles) , a lot of guys wouldn’t answer the question because they said it would depend on the girls morals and her relationship with her ex-fiancé, some guys wanted to stay clear of the engaged one because she’d want to get re-engaged soon plus they were ok with girls who have had previous boyfriends because “who doesn’t have one these days”, and finally there’s Jimmy , the one guy who picked the previously engaged girl because this shows her qualities of seriousness and commitment in a relationship (thumbs up Jim).

Then it hit me, not all girls are alike, not all men are either, and certainly not all relationships work out, so if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be and if not I'm sure God has better plans the Dan’s, so love to love and be loved all you want because in the end emotions are what make us the people we are! To all the Dans out there that kept me up all night, remember what they say “The open-minded see the truth in different things; the narrow-minded see only the differences.” IN YOUR FACE