Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris Facts

By May Rostom

Back in 2005, an internet phenomenon begun where the American television host Conan O’Brien inspired a fad on listing a few Chuck Norris jokes. Now, five years later the internet is full of extremely funny, multi-cultured, and even translated Chuck Norris facts (i.e. jokes). All the jokes about the Walker, Texas Ranger are absurd hyperbolic claims about Norris’ attitude, masculinity, toughness, and sophistication. Here are my all time favorite jokes; if you know better ones feel free to comment (that’s what Chuck would do).

  1When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
2. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
3. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

5Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
6. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
7. Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.

  8Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
9. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
10. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
11. Chuck Norris does not need to break an egg to make an omelet.
12. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

 13When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
14. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

  15Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
16. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
17.  There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
18. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.

  19Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
20. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
21. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
22. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
23. There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

  24Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
25. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

 26Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him

  27If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
28. Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

  29Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stares at it and dares it to grow.
30. When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.